Salvation 20mg

I knew I needed you
to keep me sane.
Mood stabiliser
they called you.
Happy pill I dubbed you.
But happy was I
or a slave to you.
Chained to you
with unbreakable shackles.
I tremble under your power
I cried when you were gone
I turned catatonic
when I was with you.
Yet they call you my salvation.
My only hope at ‘normalcy’.
Do not abandon me
Don’t come too close
The perfect distance
yet to be found.
Till then its me and you
to the end.

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End of Existence

What if I just ceased to exist?
Existing in the barren un-
forgiving land of dependency.
The little bursts of color
that breathed ‘life’ into me
not enough anymore,
fellow zombies who
suck the last bit of ‘life’
out of me.
Happiness of ‘humans’
thrown in my face.
Burning like acid down my throat.
Choking me, destroying me.
What if I vanish tomorrow
or better yet, now?
Would the world
be a brighter place,
without my dark rants
disturbing the peace?
Thanatos, embrace me now!
For I have failed miserably.
For I am tired of this half life
searching for the whole of me.

Changes, Heartbeats & Love songs

Too many changes
not enough space.
At a fast pace
my heart’s beating away.
How do you know
just how to slip past
my defenses.
Too many changes
for me to take in.
Want to flee far,
run from it all.
Can’t escape,
no where to hide.
Go away my love,
leave me alone.
Coz in your silence
I find peace.

(Love)story of Phoenix & Medusa

You’re a fog
and I’m lost in you.
Fused into one
we go up in flames.
Out of the ashes
we emerge
into the gates of heaven.
Happy tears streaming
down my cheeks
to soak your raven hair.
Cocooned in our
happy bubble,
I think back to the days
we spent circling,
tiptoeing around
the giant in the room.
Love blooming like
the prettiest wild flower
threaded through my golden locks
like pristine ivory adorning
your guarded heart.
Knowing not that it’s
started beating
to the tune of mine.
Thinking back
to the countless times
I almost told you,
and time stood still
as I dreamed our story.
Needing you
to say the first words
for I feared
that I’d be burned
down to ashes,
or turned to stone
with the sheer power
of your gaze.

Postpartum blues

Cut into two
my heart has ruptured.
You were a part of me
for so long and now
we’re no longer one.
separated, pulled away
with a cry.
Postpartum blues
plague my restless soul.
Cant seem to stop
the swing of the pendulum,
crashing against the shore,
dizzy with worry,
swinging out of control,
spiraling into
the blue abyss…
Your tiny hands
catch hold of my fingers.
Innocent eyes look up
at me in wonder.
And I’m no longer falling.
Anchored to you
my tiny angel.
The beat of your heart
has brought me back to life.

Heartbreak & Hope

Days and weeks go by
with songs of heartbreak on a loop,
‘coz happy songs start off crying jags.
I wonder –
how could a song
that brought me so much joy
make me break out in tears
and curses now?
Binge eating the sadness away
and finding pleasure in the pain.
A wistful sadness tinge
the happy memories.
Meanwhile you move on
as if you’re a snake
shedding old skin.
A silver tongued snake
that got under my skin
faster than you could say
I love you.
Still the song moves on
to happier notes,
the tinkling chime of laughter
fill he hopeful air.

Breakup song

No more apologizing
in the name of love.
No more tears for you.
No more hiding the pain.
No more deifying your voice,
dissecting your words.
Disengage, disconnect, disappear.
My songs too
young for you
my youth too jarring.
I tried to grasp at
the faint shards
happiness we shared.
But the lies you spoke,
the broken promises you made
are burning the bridges
between us.
The shadows of what ifs
haunting us.
Your ghosts down every
memory lane.
I can’t erase you.
But I can very well
turn the page.

Addictive love

How do I explain
this sweet addiction my love?
Can’t seem to quit you,
no walking into it
or taking it slow.
Only rushing headfirst
and thinking later.
The crazed frenzy
to hear your sweet voice-
molasses and honey
heavenly baritone,
Home to my soul
and hope to my despair..
Like a lovesick fool
I search for glimpses of you.
Mooning over those cute smiles
fleeting glances, shared laughs.
This is falling,
Falling into you.

Wow! Being a woman is so much fun!

What am I?
A notch on your bedpost,
Armcandy to decorate your status.
Who am I?
A daughter,lover,wife..
When do I get to be me?
Or do I ever?
I don’t even truly have
a name to call my own.
Coz you insist to call out
your ownership on me.
Endearments, double entendrés,
jabs at my character,
abuses hurled at me..
They make no difference
to me stuck in this golden cage.

Belief & God with extra hypocrisy please..

You say you love God
& you’re a believer.
I say i love God
& become the oppressor
of ‘minorities’.
I’m a fanatic
whereas you’re
a believer.
I incite communal tension
while you remain
the paragon of peace & virtue.
You call for brotherhood
and its called love.
I do the same
and its labeled terrorism.
I’m the sinner
You are the saint.
My deeds criminal
Yours the norm.
My sweat & blood go down
the drainpipe of equality
While even your mediocrity
is kept high up
on a pedestal.
All said and done
what should I believe?
Where’s my equality?
Where’s my tolerance & love?
Accident of birth
gave you a silver spoon,
while I’m left to survive
on scraps of myth and legends.

txt-book affair

I know
that you know
I love you.
Still we dance
around the facts,
around each other..
Playful jabs
hide the plain truths.
Pretty smileys
pose as proxy love.
Still the fact remains
that I won’t be the first
to tell you.
But I hope…
Against hope
that me and you
turn to
‘us’ against the world.

Waltz of love & lust

Dancing in the darkness,

waltzing under the pleasure dome,

we get bolder

as the night goes on.

The moves more risqué,

the twirls more ethereal,

Passionate glances 

laden with simmering heat.

Dopamine and oxytocin 

go off the charts.

Knowing not 

where you end

and I begin.

As the night goes on 

we get bolder.

Moonlit beauty breathtaking.

Candles flicker shyly

as we waltz and 

wade in this drunken love. 

Reckless abandon 

lights up the night, 

brings a spring to my step

as I drown in ecstasy- 

drown in you.